多少人

坐在繁忙的街道旁，
看着来来往往，匆匆忙忙的上班族，
各个行色匆匆，面无笑容。

有多少人真正享受自己的工作？
有多少人每天都盼望着去上班？
有多少人天天面带笑容期盼着每一天的到来？
到底多少人正在享受此刻的生活？
到底多少人正在做自己想做的事？

天复一天，年复一年。
日子就这样过去。
反反复复，转了一圈又一圈。
转来转去还是到原点。
人生如此。
到底多少人正在过自己要过的生活？

Time wasting

Wow, long time since I've last blogged here. Been slacking and wasting my time away (as many people would have termed it), but what exactly is time wasting? If I don't do anything productive I'm wasting my time? If I'm not earning money, then I'm wasting my time? If I'm just sitting down relaxing over a cup of coffee I'm wasting my time? If I'm merely watching entertaining dramas and videos I'm wasting my time? Well, I guess I've wasted alot of my time already for the past few months/ year. I guess most people would wanna waste their time too if they have the time to do so (haha, finding time to waste time), and most of the time people just don't have the time to waste their time since money is more important.

Well, the phase "wasting time" carries a negative connotation to it (same for the word "slack") so I guess using terms like "enjoying my life" or "enjoying my time" or "relaxing myself" sounds much better if I have to explained/answer myself to others.


Manz. What to do with my life??? I'm still clinging on to the piece of wood floating in the vast ocean right now, and I still don't see any sign of possible goal. It's getting tiring trying to find the right way amongst the vast and endless sea. I guess I'll end up just floating on this wood still and wasting my time if I still can't find the land.

Freedom

Free at last. Was expecting and anticipating for this day to come since I was like hack care for alot of stuffs recently. Seriously felt a sense of relieve. Ironies. Why would I want to commit if commitment means to be tied down for the rest of the year? I'm glad it's finally the end now. Funny that I don't even feel the least bit sad or any tiny sense of reluctance. In fact, I'm happy. Great. At least for the past jobs, I feel a sense of attachment for the people there and the job. (Yeah, even in Nirvana which I merely temp for about a mth plus).
In fact, I actually miss the people and the environment (both in Fossil and Nirvana). Yes, the environment is actually abit funny over at Nirvana, but at least people are direct there and we don't have to be so fake etc. For Fossil, at least I enjoyed the company of the people there (even though they're mostly aunties and uncles there). At least I feel that I'm contributing something to the company. I actually miss Global Ariel too. It's so slack. I could surf net and had the whole office to myself when my boss was overseas. 爽。I was seriously dreading to go work in the morning today. The thought of just absenting myself today and the rest of the week actually crossed my mind! But I decided against it after thinking about the miss calls I'll receive and the interrogation I'd be put through.

New Year, new chapter, new beginning, literally. Hope that what's coming next would be much better. Gotta really ponder about my life! Seriously. I'm like a drifting wood now. I need direction! A purpose, a motivation, something more meaningful. If not, I think it'll end up the same way still. Give me a purpose in life!!!

At first, I thought that it'll be alright if I just ignore the purpose and focus on getting money first since I wanted to save up to study. I thought a year would be short, so I signed on. But thinking about it now, I think maybe that's not the right way since I really can't find any motivation to work and there's no meaning in my life at all! My life's miserable like that. Don't think I'd even be able to tolerate a year like that. Now, I'm even questioning why do I want to study?
Argghh... Seriously need to sort out my life and think about these stuffs thoroughly first before making any decisions. I can't live a life working just for the sake of money. That's just not my style. I won't have any motivations at all. So what to do? If I find a job I enjoy, I think the pay won't be high at all. So in the end I'll end up working and forever not having enough money to study. Hah. Then I'll be working for the rest of my life and not further my studies already. Awww. How sad. Or maybe in the midst of it, I'll decide that there's no point studying. Hmmm... I think that thought is overcoming me right now. Dead.

Think! That's the thing to do now. I'm glad I bought books recently that could help me sort out my life. Time to read, think and relax.... Life should be great.....

Meaning of life

If life has no meaning, then why do people live? Why do people have such strong will power for survival? Some people may be suffering and living in pain every single day, yet they're still living on earth. Why? I think it's a peculiar thing indeed.

Many people I asked said that there's no meaning in life and that I'll just have to accept it as a fact. I think maybe it's true that there's no universal meaning in life, but everyone should have their own interpretation of life and have an individual meaning for themselves. If not, there's no purpose in living. Why not just die instead of having to live and suffer? Alot of people are not enjoying what they're doing in their lives anyway.

Life is indeed a funny thing. Why are living things so obsessed about living? Trees grow everyday. If their sunlight is blocked, they'll naturally grow towards light source. Birds fly around looking for food everyday. Ants crawl around looking for sweets and food too. So what is their meaning in life? Maybe life don't mean anything to them at all. They're living just for the sack of not dying.

But for me, I seriously need a meaning in my life. If not, everyday is just the same old thing and there's no greater purpose at all (just like how my life is right now). I go to work everyday, doing those mundane work. I watch people around me doing the same thing. Go to work everyday, doing the same old thing. I work, I earn money, I spend money and I work and work and work again to earn money and spend money. It's like a vicious cycle. So what's the point? Work to earn money and spend money? Won't it be good if there's no such thing as money in the very first place? Then people won't have to work and earn money and spend money. Then nobody will have to go to the office everyday and do the same old thing everyday. How different will life be?

Actually if we imagine it, maybe life would be different, and maybe not. If there's no such thing as money, then I guess everyone will mostly have to depend on themselves or the kindness of others for their own survival. We'll have to find food ourselves, building our houses ourselves, look for fire, electricity and basically everything ourselves. I guess in the end we'll hafta end up living the jungle since there's no constructors and builders working to help us build our houses.
We'll end up being extremely busy in the nature of our live. We'll be too busy finding food, catching fishes, setting fire or climbing trees and avoiding our predators.
Of course we'll be alot closer to nature too(just like the blue people in the film, Avatar).
But come to think of it, there's still no meaning in this type of life. We'll still be living for the sack of survivor. Maybe life would be worse off this way since there's no material comforts and luxuries which we get to enjoy now with the money we have.

So if life indeed has no meaning, then I guess I'll just have to look for one myself in order to fill the empty-ness in life. I'll just have to find meaning to justify my sufferings and pain experienced in this world. That's life?

If today was my last day

So the saying goes.... We should live our life everyday like it is our last. How possible is that in reality?
I doubt many of us can admit at this very moment that they'll live without regret if today is their last day on earth.

If today was my last day, I won't be waking up early in the morning to go to work.
If today was my last day, I will be waking up early in the morning to enjoy my life.
If today was my last day, I won't be working at all.
If today was my last day, I will be doing fun things instead.
If today was my last day, I won't be eating the typical lunch I had.
If today was my last day, I will eat the most delicious food on earth, spending whatever money I have.
If today was my last day, I won't be spending it with my colleagues.
If today was my last day, I will spend it with my family and close friends.
If today was my last day, I won't be sitting in my office, staring at the computer screen.
If today was my last day, I may be doing sky diving somewhere else instead.
If today was my last day, I won't be feeling so lethargic the whole day.
If today was my last day, I may feel sad, but I'd want to make full use of the little time I have left.
If today was my last day, I won't be doing all the things I did today.
If today was my last day, I will be doing all the things I've ever wanted to do.
If today was my last day, I won't be saving my money like what I'm currently doing.
If today was my last day, I will spend all my money on things I've wanted to do.
If today was my last day, I won't be so cold today people.
If today was my last day, I may go around kissing all the people I love.
If today was my last day, I won't let it go by without leaving behind some lasting memories.
If today was my last day, I will be taking lots of photos to create some lasting memories.
If today was my last day, I won't be behaving like myself.
If today was my last day, I may try something new.

If today was my last day, I won't be feeling happy.
If today was my last day, I will be filled with regrets.

Pathetic ending isn't it? But isn't it the reality? For those working, it's work, eat, home, sleep everyday. So if it's the last day you have on earth, will you still be working and doing those mundane tasks? I doubt so. For those studying, it's lectures, tutorials, assignments, exams. Will you be studying and taking exams if it's your last day on earth?

In conclusion, it's impossible to live your life everyday like it is the last.

Purpose?

"Everything we do here has a purpose".
So can I question everything here?
If I do that, I think there'll be no ends to it.

Can't even find the purpose of my life. Why would I care about the purpose of the small things surrounding my life?
I think I'll go bonker if I do that.
Maybe I may question, I may have doubts on some procedures and actions, but it'll mostly just be a passing thought. Gotta let it pass and move along. If not, life would be difficult, won't it?

Somehow, a few people in my life recently makes me wonder "Do I question the purpose of my actions/work?"
Seems like I don't really do that.
Been more conscious of my mind lately.
Most of the time I may question. Isn't this a harder way? Isn't there a better way to do it?
But I'll just let these thoughts pass.
Dunno whether it's cause of the "trainings" I received during my CCA when I was in secondary school that we don't question orders and the authority. Hence, most of the time even if I may have different opinions or I may question the purposed of doing something, but I'll just keep those thoughts in my mind and let it pass gradually.

Well, I guess I'll just continue to be in search for the answer of the purpose of my life and try to voice out some of the question I have in my mind.

Brain

How I wish we could just have a switch to switch off our brain and give it a rest whenever we want to. Isn't the brain the most amazing thing ever? It's working every single second when we're awake. Even when we're sleeping, the subconscious part is also working to keep our bodily functions. It's even better than a machine! Working without rest from the time we were born to the time we RIP.

I've been killing alot of innocent brain cells recently. Sometimes, I wish I could just stop thinking. That'll free alot of things up and make things much easier. But that's impossible.
How can I store all those minute information and details I need to remember? How do I make sure I remember them all?
Information overloaded.

Well, I guess organising and reflecting is the solution.
Gotta store those information and organise them properly for my brain to retrieve them easily and not let them get lost in a pile of useless shit.
Blogging is a way to reflect too.
So this should be considered a first step taken.
Gotta move on next and get organising!


Hopefully, at the end of the day, it's still "saving in progress...."

Mary had a little lamb

Just realised I don't actually know the lyrics for the nursery rhyme, Mary had a little lamb!
I only know the tune and lyrics for the verses
Mary had a little lamb
little lamb
little lamb
Mary had a little lamb blah blah blah blah blah blah.
It followed her to school one day
school one day
school one day
it followed her to school one day
blah blah blah blah blah blah.


That's all I could managed.
The actual verse (below) is quite complex huh?


Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow

Everywhere that Mary went,
Mary went, Mary went,
Everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go

It followed her to school one day
School one day, school one day
It followed her to school one day
Which was against the rules.

It made the children laugh and play,
Laugh and play, laugh and play,
It made the children laugh and play
To see a lamb at school

And so the teacher turned it out,
Turned it out, turned it out,
And so the teacher turned it out,
But still it lingered near

And waited patiently about,
Patiently about, patiently about,
And waited patiently about
Till Mary did appear

"Why does the lamb love Mary so?"
Love Mary so? Love Mary so?
"Why does the lamb love Mary so?"
The eager children cry

"Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know."
Loves the lamb, you know, loves the lamb, you know
"Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know."
The teacher did reply



The question is, So where's Mary's little lamb? I don't see it. So why does the nursery rhyme make it sound like Mary is such an innocent little girl?

Oh well, this post won't make sense to anyone reading.

Our Face

Have you ever wondered why people always judge others by their appearance?
I thought about it and came to the conclusion.
Perhaps it's because all the organs of our 5 senses are on our face.
That's why most people would notice other people's appearance or face when you look at another person.
Our eyes, nose, ears, mouth and skin are on our face.
We use our eyes to see, nose to smell, mouth to eat and skin to touch.
So these 5 organs are important to us.
We'll use our 5 organs to look, smell, see and talk to another person when we communicate with them. So when using these 5 organs, we'll somehow be attracted to the other person's 5 organs too.
Therefore in the end, our attention would be on the person's face.

Does that make sense?

What if our eyes, nose, mouth, and ears are not all concentrated on our face?
I think there may be a chance that people won't be so preoccupied with appearance or our face.
Just imagine what would happen if our eyes are on our arms.
I guess that the arms would be the first thing everyone would be looking at when we look at others.
So will everyone end up being preoccupied with having a beautiful arms instead of face?

There's just so much going on on our face that somehow we can't keep our attention away from it.

Lonely Vs Alone

One could be alone, but not lonely.
But does people always feel that being alone is being lonely?
Generally when one see another person alone, most people would think that that person is pitiful or lonely.
For all you know, that person may be feeling perfectly happy about being alone.
Away from all the hustle and bustle of life and happy that he found some time for himself to reflect on things, think about things and observe things.
Isn't that good?
You can just be yourself when you are with yourself.
You don't have to entertain, feel awkward with silence or try to strike up a conversation.

I like being alone.
So does that make me a loner?
Fine if it does.

But I don't mind spending time with people too.
Especially with people I like or can connect with.
But even with people who is hard to connect to, it's interesting to observe them and understand them through their words and actions.

So I don't mind spending time with people, and I don't mind being alone too.
I think that is quite a good thing. Isn't it?
Some people are just afraid of being alone.
What's so scary about that?
Unless maybe they feel insecure alone? Or maybe they're afraid of people's perception of them if they're seen alone?
But if you think people think that you're a weirdo if you're spotted alone, then perhaps you got the wrong perception.
Isn't it you yourself that thinks that you're a weirdo?

Hiya.
I just think there's nothing to be afraid of being alone.
Sometimes one may feel even more at ease and sometimes there may be a new perspective of viewing the world around you when you're alone.
Seriously,
That's nothing wrong with being alone at all.

Interest Vs Money

What should we live for? Our interest or enjoyment or money??
Every morning, we see lots of people rushing to work. Stressed face, stressful workload and maybe mundane and boring work.
I often wonder, how many of those people actually enjoy their work?
Are they working for money or for enjoyment?

I think most people would say that of course work can't be an enjoyment.
We work to earn money.
Oh well.
I guess life is miserable.
Working adults usually spend most of their time and live working.
9-5pm job. Around 8 hours of work per day.
Sometimes there may be OT.
So life goes like that...
wake up at 6/7am.
Eat.
Go work.
Faced with the mundane and boring and repetitive work. Not to add on the stresss.
Then there's 1 short hour of lunch break.
Then work again, until at 5/6pm.
Go home.
Dinner.
Watch 1-4hrs of tv programs. (depends on how late you stay up)
Then sleep.
Next morning, the same cycle continues.

So what's the joy to life?
Maybe only Saturdays and Sundays.
That's what most people probably look forward to.

I'd rather find a work where I enjoy.
Which has a purpose.
Which has something that motivates me.
That keeps me interested and have a passion for.
That's life.

Earning money from the dead

Seems like its quite a good business to do business with the dead.
No, I'm not talking about having business transactions with spirits or ghost but do you know how expensive it may be to buy a space to put your ashes after you die?
For a certain company, the least is 2thousand plus for a space to put your urn and it could go up to 10s of thousands of dollars. Lucratic business isn't it? 5star service for the dead.

In my own opinion, I just think that what's the use? If I'm already dead, what for buy a place so expensive for me merely just to put my ashes? I don't even have any conscious by the time I'm dead. I won't even be feeling anything. So what for buy such a luxurious place for me? If I died, I think I won't even mind if my ashes are just being spread in the middle of the sea. Seems like quite a romantic thing to do huh? Since such scenes are quite popular in romantic movies where the ashes of the dead lovers are being released in a memorable place together.

I don't mind buying a place and investing in it, but the problem is, how do I sell it after I buy? Seems like quite a hard thing to do. Unless I spend my time around old folks and trying to persuade them to buy the place from me. But I can't even convince myself that I need a 5star "hotel" for my ashes to be put at when I died, how will I manage to convince others?

Aspirations

Had some "serious" conversation over lunch today with 2 guys. Topic went from career, jobs to aspirations, goals etc.
So someone asked me a question which usually pop up during a job interview "What is your aspiration?" I answered that I don't really have one. Then he said "they'll ask you this question when you go for job interview most of the time" In my mind I was thinking "So I guess I have to prepare a 100% perfect answer for this kind of question in future. I'll probably think about it when I need to next time. "And "Is touring the world and enjoying life considered an aspiration?" But of course I didn't bother to say anything. I just smiled.

Then both of them came to an agreement that we should have a set goal in life and was kinda "lecturing" me into it. Actually I've still not reached the point where I'm thinking hard about my career path and all those, so I take life as it goes. 看一天算一天吧。活在当下最重要.

I don't really know the 2 guys well and it's the first time ever I chatted with them. It's quite interesting. 1 seems to be quite keen about making money, and I think he's a stubborn guy who thinks that his opinions are right. I think he's quite judgemental too (In his eyes, most likely I'm like a log floating in the middle of the ocean which has no directions and aim). The other guy is older and seems to be more open minded. But he still has his opinions and strong believes. I think he'll be a great father who will give wise advice and discuss serious topics with his children.

So that stubborn guy started to talk about aspiration and was kinda "dissing" me saying that "I know, you're like spending your days as it goes 看一天过一天" and was saying it in quite an annoying tone with some gestures added to it. I just smiled. Whatever.
Then I asked What is your purpose of life?"
Answer was "To earn money." And he continued talking about setting up company, earning more money etc. The more opened minded guy added "After that, enjoy life and go abroad, relax, etc"

In my mind "So the purpose of your life is earning money?" You spend the days when you were young earning and working like a bull, then when you're older, you're still working and earning money. When will it even stop? Since men will never ever be satisfied. When you have more, you want even more. When will money ever be enough? What's worse is that if you can never ever achieve the set amount of money which you aimed for, then won't it be a vicious cycle? In the end, you'll just end up working and working all your life, slogging like a bull, trying to pay up your bills and debts etc. So when you grow old, it'll be your child's turn. Then you'll be staying at home, doing nothing much. Spending your days as it goes or laying in bed or sitting in the wheelchair, trying to win a battle with diseases and illness. Will you even have the energy and health to do what you enjoy and to enjoy life?

That was just what was going on in my mind after I heard his reply. Can't really be bothered to go into a discussion about it with him.

I guess different people have different goals and aims. Can I say that my goal in life is to enjoy life when I go for a job interview? I think most probably I'll just fail the interview if I do that. So I guess I'll have to think of a perfect answer for the question next time if I go for a interview again.
It just seems like people will look up and admire people who are goal-oriented, who have set goals and aims for their career, financial goals, etc. But what's so great about these people. Yes, they may have financial freedom, being rich and able to afford luxuries, but what's the purpose of earning so much money and being able to enjoy these material goods if they don't even love life and enjoy life?

So in the end, I still stick to my believe after the "lecture". I'll live my life to the fullest, enjoying life and spend time doing things I like to do.
What for do something you don't like doing? I won't be able to stand that for long.

Time Wasting

"You're wasting your time"
"Don't waste your time"
"Stop wasting your youth"
"Stop wasting your life away"


So what is the meaning of "wasting time?"
That you're not using full use of your time?

Then what is the meaning of using full use of your time?
Studying? Earning money? Doing good deeds?

Seems like most of the time, "wasting time" is to be doing something you enjoy.
For eg. playing game, slacking, stoning, listening to music, watching a drama, going shopping etc.
"Stop wasting your time at home! Go find a job!"
" You won't have any future sitting at home playing computer everyday!"
"Do something useful"

Seems like most of the time, not wasting time means to do something that would result in a monetary benefit/gain at the end of the day.
That's how materialistic the world is.
So, activities that are not "wasting time" includes
Studying, having a job/completing your work.
Which would eventually result in monetary gains at the end of the day.
Studying> getting a good job> earning more money
Completing your job at work/job> keeping your job> earning money

Then what happens after making use of precious time to do "meaningful things?"
People usually waste their time by relaxing.
Going on a movie (which is wasting time)
Going on a holiday (which some may considered wasting time too)
Retiring.
Which means major time wasting since it means sitting at home for years and not doing anything "useful/meaningful" at all until you die.


So in the end, people make "full" use of their time in order to "waste time" in their later part of their life?"
Funny.

So think carefully before telling others that they're "wasting their time".
It may seem to you that they're "wasting their time" but are they really the one"wasting their time?"
Maybe the one who is "wasting time" is you since you're leading a horrible life doing things you hate doing in order to "waste time" in the later part of your life.
So who's the one that is really "wasting time"?

Yeah, something that is "wasting time" to you may be meaningful and beneficial to me.
You may thing that I'm wasting my time, but I may feel that I've spend my time very well since I'm happy doing something I love and making full use of my life, enjoying my life.
So don't tell others that they're "wasting" their time since different people have different goals and meaning to life.