Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Free at last. Was expecting and anticipating for this day to come since I was like hack care for alot of stuffs recently. Seriously felt a sense of relieve. Ironies. Why would I want to commit if commitment means to be tied down for the rest of the year? I'm glad it's finally the end now. Funny that I don't even feel the least bit sad or any tiny sense of reluctance. In fact, I'm happy. Great. At least for the past jobs, I feel a sense of attachment for the people there and the job. (Yeah, even in Nirvana which I merely temp for about a mth plus).
In fact, I actually miss the people and the environment (both in Fossil and Nirvana). Yes, the environment is actually abit funny over at Nirvana, but at least people are direct there and we don't have to be so fake etc. For Fossil, at least I enjoyed the company of the people there (even though they're mostly aunties and uncles there). At least I feel that I'm contributing something to the company. I actually miss Global Ariel too. It's so slack. I could surf net and had the whole office to myself when my boss was overseas. 爽。I was seriously dreading to go work in the morning today. The thought of just absenting myself today and the rest of the week actually crossed my mind! But I decided against it after thinking about the miss calls I'll receive and the interrogation I'd be put through.

New Year, new chapter, new beginning, literally. Hope that what's coming next would be much better. Gotta really ponder about my life! Seriously. I'm like a drifting wood now. I need direction! A purpose, a motivation, something more meaningful. If not, I think it'll end up the same way still. Give me a purpose in life!!!

At first, I thought that it'll be alright if I just ignore the purpose and focus on getting money first since I wanted to save up to study. I thought a year would be short, so I signed on. But thinking about it now, I think maybe that's not the right way since I really can't find any motivation to work and there's no meaning in my life at all! My life's miserable like that. Don't think I'd even be able to tolerate a year like that. Now, I'm even questioning why do I want to study?
Argghh... Seriously need to sort out my life and think about these stuffs thoroughly first before making any decisions. I can't live a life working just for the sake of money. That's just not my style. I won't have any motivations at all. So what to do? If I find a job I enjoy, I think the pay won't be high at all. So in the end I'll end up working and forever not having enough money to study. Hah. Then I'll be working for the rest of my life and not further my studies already. Awww. How sad. Or maybe in the midst of it, I'll decide that there's no point studying. Hmmm... I think that thought is overcoming me right now. Dead.

Think! That's the thing to do now. I'm glad I bought books recently that could help me sort out my life. Time to read, think and relax.... Life should be great.....

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Meaning of life

If life has no meaning, then why do people live? Why do people have such strong will power for survival? Some people may be suffering and living in pain every single day, yet they're still living on earth. Why? I think it's a peculiar thing indeed.

Many people I asked said that there's no meaning in life and that I'll just have to accept it as a fact. I think maybe it's true that there's no universal meaning in life, but everyone should have their own interpretation of life and have an individual meaning for themselves. If not, there's no purpose in living. Why not just die instead of having to live and suffer? Alot of people are not enjoying what they're doing in their lives anyway.

Life is indeed a funny thing. Why are living things so obsessed about living? Trees grow everyday. If their sunlight is blocked, they'll naturally grow towards light source. Birds fly around looking for food everyday. Ants crawl around looking for sweets and food too. So what is their meaning in life? Maybe life don't mean anything to them at all. They're living just for the sack of not dying.

But for me, I seriously need a meaning in my life. If not, everyday is just the same old thing and there's no greater purpose at all (just like how my life is right now). I go to work everyday, doing those mundane work. I watch people around me doing the same thing. Go to work everyday, doing the same old thing. I work, I earn money, I spend money and I work and work and work again to earn money and spend money. It's like a vicious cycle. So what's the point? Work to earn money and spend money? Won't it be good if there's no such thing as money in the very first place? Then people won't have to work and earn money and spend money. Then nobody will have to go to the office everyday and do the same old thing everyday. How different will life be?

Actually if we imagine it, maybe life would be different, and maybe not. If there's no such thing as money, then I guess everyone will mostly have to depend on themselves or the kindness of others for their own survival. We'll have to find food ourselves, building our houses ourselves, look for fire, electricity and basically everything ourselves. I guess in the end we'll hafta end up living the jungle since there's no constructors and builders working to help us build our houses.
We'll end up being extremely busy in the nature of our live. We'll be too busy finding food, catching fishes, setting fire or climbing trees and avoiding our predators.
Of course we'll be alot closer to nature too(just like the blue people in the film, Avatar).
But come to think of it, there's still no meaning in this type of life. We'll still be living for the sack of survivor. Maybe life would be worse off this way since there's no material comforts and luxuries which we get to enjoy now with the money we have.

So if life indeed has no meaning, then I guess I'll just have to look for one myself in order to fill the empty-ness in life. I'll just have to find meaning to justify my sufferings and pain experienced in this world. That's life?